Human Suffering #1923

In our last +1, we invited Steven Hayes back to the party and talked about the cornerstones of his Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: mindfulness, acceptance, and values-based living.

Today we’re going to continue our exploration of Big Ideas from his classic workbook-manual: Get Out of Your Mind & Into Your Life.

Let’s get straight to work.

The VERY FIRST chapter in Steven’s book is called “Human Suffering.”

Hayes tells us: “Often many people we meet in our daily lives seem to have it all. They seem happy. They look satisfied with their lives. You’ve probably had the experience of walking down the street when you’re having a particularly bad day, and you’ve looked around and thought, ‘Why can’t I just be happy like everyone around me? They don’t suffer from chronic panic (or depression, or a substance abuse problem). They don’t feel as if a dark cloud is always looming over their heads. They don’t suffer the way I suffer. Why can’t I be like them?’”

He continues by saying: “Here’s the secret: They do and you are. We all have pain. All human beings, if they live long enough, have felt or will feel the devastation of losing someone they love. Every single person has felt or will feel physical pain. Everybody has felt sadness, shame, anxiety, fear, and loss. We all have memories that are embarrassing, humiliating, or shameful. We all carry painful hidden secrets. We tend to put on a shiny, happy face, pretending that everything is okay, and that life is ‘all good.’ But it isn’t and it can’t be. To be human is to feel pain in ways that are orders of magnitude more pervasive than what the other creatures on planet Earth feel.”

Again…

That’s from the FIRST chapter in the book in which Hayes distills the philosophy to which he has dedicated his life crafting.

The VERY FIRST thing he wants to MAKE SURE we understand?

This simple fact…

WE ALL HAVE PAIN.

I know that when I was a teenager struggling with anxiety and a young man struggling with both anxiety and depression (although I never thought to call the experiences by those names), I thought I was the ONLY one experiencing the things I was experiencing.

That didn’t help.

(Hah.)

(I can laugh now.)

Of course, decades and hundreds of (ancient wisdom and modern science) books later, it feels almost silly to type that out, but it’s REALLY (!) important that we all REALLY understand the fact that EVERYONE experiences pain and suffering in their lives.

EVERYONE.

Without exception.

Period.

I will always vividly remember the time I was working with Steve Chandler over a decade ago when he told me that I was experiencing whatever psychological challenge I was facing at the time: “Not because you’re YOU but because you’re HUMAN.”

And, of course, Phil Stutz says the SAME thing as the two Steves.

In Lessons for Living he tells us: “Our culture denies the nature of reality. It holds out a promise that you can live in an ideal world where things come easily, a world in which unpleasant experiences can be avoided, where there is never a lack of immediate gratification. Worse, it suggests that if you do not live in this world, something is wrong with you. This ideal world is a realm of illusion. No matter how promising this world seems, it does not exist.”

And, of course, embracing what Kristin Neff calls our “common humanity” is a critical component to cultivating what she calls “Self-Compassion.”

With all that in mind…

I repeat…

YOU’RE NOT ALONE.

Accepting this fact is the first critical step in ACTing with wisdom.

btw. You know how many people around the world are believed to be suffering from anxiety or depression or another mental health challenge?

1 BILLION PEOPLE.

Note: Every time I do my quick AM journaling, I capture the essence of my life’s Heroic Mission by writing: “101 x 1M = 1B => 51 | 2051.”

As you know if you’ve been following along, that’s also tattooed to my forearm.

It’s a shorthand reminder for doing my best to help create a world in which 51% of humanity is flourishing by 2051 by helping 1M people get their Soul Force to 101 such that we can hit 1B virtuous targets per year together.

But...

These days when I write that “1B” I’m also thinking of the 1 BILLION PEOPLE currently believed to be struggling psychologically as I recommit to doing everything I can to support them.

And…

That’s Today’s +1.

Human suffering is universal.

Let’s have the wisdom to accept that fact.

And…

Let’s have the discipline and love and courage to do the hard work to cultivate our mindfulness, acceptance, and values-based living so we can help others do the same.

TODAY.