Tal Ben-Shahar

Attaining lasting happiness requires that we enjoy the journey on our way toward a destination we deem valuable. Happiness is not about making it to the peak of the mountain nor is it about climbing aimlessly around the mountain; happiness is the experience of climbing toward the peak.

Choice unleashes the potential within each moment. As you become mindful of the potential within this moment, your life gains momentum, becomes momentous. When a moment matters, life matters.

We are used to thinking of making decisions as the hard part. But the truth is that often the more difficult thing is realizing that there is a decision to be made, that we have a choice. In fact, at every moment in our life we have a choice.

I have a choice and I choose to choose.

The truth is that there are no shortcuts, no getting around the real work—the daily effort and struggle—that is required for living a full and fulfilling life.

Assuming the posture of how we would be if we were more assertive and energized in fact boosts our confidence and invigorates us. Our behavior changes our attitude.

Psychologists use the term cognitive restructuring to describe our ability to look at a situation from different perspectives.

Those who understand that failure is inextricably linked with achievement are the ones who learn, grow, and ultimately do well. Learn to fail, or fail to learn.

Acceptance is not a call for mediocrity, for compromise, but rather a prerequisite for the attainment of optimal success and happiness on a personal as well as interpersonal level.

Helen Keller, who in her lifetime knew much suffering, as well as joy, noted that ‘character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.’

The emotional life that the Perfectionist expects is one of a constant high; the Optimalist expects his life to include emotional ups, emotional downs, and everything in between. The Perfectionist rejects painful emotions that do not meet his expectation of an unwavering flow of positive emotions; the Optimalist permits himself to experience the full range of human emotions.

The problem in today’s corporate world, as well as in many other realms, is not hard work; the problem is insufficient recovery.

If the only dream we have is of a perfect life, we are doomed to disappointment since such dreams simply cannot come true in the real world.

Matt, the student who jokingly threatened to report me to his roommate if he saw me unhappy, thought that a person teaching happiness should radiate joy 24-7. Matt’s idea was not only unrealistic, it was in fact a recipe for unhappiness.

Change is not a threat but a challenge; the unknown is not frightening but fascinating.

The pain associated with the fear of failure is usually more intense than the pain following an actual failure.

Paradoxically, our overall self-confidence and our belief in our own ability to deal with setbacks may be reinforced when we fail, because we realize that the beast we had always feared—is not as terrifying as we thought it was.

Taking the constraints of reality into consideration, the Optimalist then works toward creating not the perfect life but the best possible one.

The notion that we can enjoy unlimited success or live without emotional pain and failure may be an inspiring ideal, but it is not a principle by which to lead one’s life, since in the long run it leads to dissatisfaction and unhappiness.

Danish theologian Soren Kierkegaard noted ‘To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. Not to dare, is to lose oneself.

The first step was to accept the reality that I could not have it all. While it seems obvious that you cannot work fourteen hours a day and remain fit and healthy and be a devoted father and husband, in my perfectionist fantasy world, nothing was impossible.

As J. P. Morgan once remarked, ‘I can do a year’s work in nine months, but not in twelve.’

In essence, Perfectionists reject everything that deviates from their flawless, faultless ideal vision, and as a result they suffer whenever they do not meet their own unrealistic standards. Optimalists accept, and make the best of, everything that life has to offer.

The most creative individuals–whether artists, businesspeople, or parents– have rituals that they follow. Paradoxically, the routine frees them up to be creative and spontaneous.

Happiness is not just a luxury, something to be pursued once all our personal and societal ills are resolved. Increasing the levels of the ultimate currency improves the quality of individual lives and can make the world a better, safer place.

To experience a sense of purpose, the goals we set for ourselves need to be intrinsically meaningful.

The psychologist Abraham Maslow once wrote that ‘the most beautiful fate, the most wonderful good fortune that can happen to any human being, is to be paid for doing that which he passionately loves to do.’

The average is indicative of a trend, not of a necessity or of a universal truth. Often, it is those outside the norm, the exceptional ones, who point to the truth of what is possible.

The most successful people are lifelong learners; they constantly ask questions and never cease to explore the wonder-filled world around them. Regardless of where you are in life—whether you are fifteen or a hundred and fifteen, whether you are going through a rough patch or are thriving—create an education program for yourself.

As J. P. Morgan, one of the most successful and creative entrepreneurs of all time, said, ‘I can do a year’s work in nine months, but not in twelve.’ Sometimes, indeed, less is more.

Helping oneself and helping others are inextricably intertwined: the more we help others, the happier we become, and the happier we become, the more inclined we are to help others.

What we need if we are to implement change in our lives is courage. And courage is not about not having fear but about having fear and going ahead anyway.