Kristin Neff, Ph.D.

Sadly, however, most people don’t focus on what they have in common with others, especially when they feel ashamed or inadequate. Rather than framing their imperfection in light of their shared human experience, they’re more likely to feel isolated and disconnected from the world around them when they fail.

Judgment defines people as bad versus good and tries to capture their essential nature with simplistic labels. Discriminating wisdom recognizes complexity and ambiguity.

To have any choice in how we respond, however, we need the mental space to consider our options.

To give ourselves compassion, we first have to recognize that we are suffering. We can’t heal what we can’t feel.

Compassion involves the recognition and clear seeing of suffering. It also involves feelings of kindness for people who are suffering, so that the desire to help—to ameliorate suffering—emerges. Finally, compassion involves recognizing our shared human condition, flawed and fragile as it is.

Mindfulness allows us to see that our negative thoughts and emotions are just that—thoughts and emotions—not necessarily reality. They are therefore given less weight—they are *observed,* but not necessarily *believed.*

You don’t want to beat yourself up for beating yourself up in the vain hope that it will somehow make you stop beating yourself up.