Your effort to be in the middle, and to be in the middle forever and always, is creating unnecessary anxiety for you. In fact, a desire to be in the middle forever is another extreme—the worst kind of extreme, b/c it is the impossible kind. It cannot be fulfilled. Just think of an old-fashioned clock: If you hold the pendulum exactly in the middle, the clock will stop. The clock works only b/c the pendulum goes on moving from the left to the right, from the right to the left. Yes, each time it passes thru the middle, and there is a moment of that middle-ness, but only a moment.