The way I describe the situation is that Mother saw me as a tulip and desperately wanted to make me into a rose. She thought I’d be happier as a rose. But I did not have what it took to be a rose, not then and not now. This tulip/rose conflict eventually became part of the way I talk to my clients in DBT. This is what I tell them: If you’re a tulip, don’t try to be a rose. Go find a tulip garden.