The Mentor Mindset #1942

I’m typing this the morning after Emerson’s most recent chess tournament.

He went 3-1 and is 12-2-1 in his last 15 matches.

Note: That’s kinda crazy. He’s on a roll. (Especially considering the fact that his competition keeps on getting harder and harder.)

In fact, he’s increased his U.S. Chess Federation rating by nearly 250 points in the last MONTH. It took him a YEAR to go up the prior 250 points.

The plateau of latent potential for the win!!

Now…

Here’s what’s MOST interesting about yesterday’s tournament…

He didn’t want to go.

And…

He WOULDN’T have gone if Mommy and I hadn’t practiced our “Mentor Mindset” with him in the 48 hours before the tournament.

(Check out the Notes on 10 to 25 by David Yeager for more on the science of motivating young people.)

Emerson’s reasons for not wanting to go?

His Nama (Alexandra’s awesome mom) has been in town for a couple weeks to celebrate his birthday with us and he hasn’t been playing that much chess—basically keeping his puzzle streak alive but otherwise not doing too much. Plus, he’d been eating off the menu a bit more and had gotten a little sick earlier in the week.

And…

He didn’t want to go to the tournament.

He didn’t think he’d perform as well as he could and he was afraid he’d lose a lot of points.

Now…

My default is (still) to get more than a little annoyed in these situations.

It’s always remarkable to me how easy it is to channel MY dad and how it takes some work to channel my ideal “You’re a Good Wingman!” identity and show up with the joy, love, and encouragement with which I’m committed to parenting.

In Yeager’s language, I tend to be an “Enforcer”—with high standards and low warmth. Mommy tends to be the “Protector”—with high warmth but low standards.

In other words, when not in a wise mindset, I’d MAKE him go even if he didn’t want to and Mommy would let him skip it.

Enter: A chance to practice our philosophy.

AWESOME.

Now…

On one hand, it was pretty straightforward.

We signed up. Unless we’re really sick, we’re going. We do what we say we’re going to do.

But…

We hadn’t set that bright-line standard and I wasn’t going to FORCE him to go/do anything. It was his decision for this tournament. Going forward we’d agree that once we’re signed up, we go.

But…

I KNEW he could perform really well and, if he didn’t, I KNEW we’d win or learn.

Mommy and I were aligned.

He decided to go.

And…

And he crushed it.

But…

I repeat: He almost didn’t go.

So…

The entire day, as we were 1-2-3ing each performance, I always told him I was MOST proud of him for simply SHOWING UP.

I’ll tell you about a (goosebumps) moment at the end of the tournament in our next +1.

For now…

Is there something YOU signed up to do that you KNOW the best, daimon-inspired version of you would do but the little demon-driven version of you is trying to get out of doing?

Yah?

What is it?

If you feel so inspired…

Go do it. 😉