Gratitude Works!

Wondering whether or not “Gratitude Works”?!

Well… The science is UNEQUIVOCAL. Grateful people are, on basically EVERY measure, healthier and happier than less grateful people.

I laughed as I typed that out realizing that I’m basically a virtue salesman. (Hah.) Constantly selling you on the fact that VIRTUE is where it’s at if we want to win the ultimate game of life.

So… Continuing my “sales” efforts, let’s recap those EYE-POPPING (!!!) stats and add a few more to the bucket.

First: This is definitely worth a re-read: “People are 25 percent happier if they keep gratitude journals, sleep one-half hour more per evening, and exercise 33 percent more each week compared to persons who are not keeping these journals.“

Want to be TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT happier? Keep a gratitude journal.

Want to sleep more? Be grateful. One to move more? Be grateful.

Pulling the fundamental thread a bit more: I’d be willing to bet that grateful people ALSO eat better, breathe more deeply (and experience more calm, energized tranquility vs. enervated anxiety), are more present and go forward with more hope.

Robert also tells us: “Dozens of research studies with diverse participant groups have also revealed that the practice of gratitude leads to the following:

– Increased feelings of energy, alertness, enthusiasm, and vigor
– Success in achieving personal goals
– Better coping with stress
– Bolstered feelings of self-worth and self-confidence
– Generosity and helpfulness
– Improved cardiac health through increases in vagal tone
– Greater sense of purpose and resilience”

So… Yah… Gratitude. It does a mind body soul good.

P.S. Positive psychologists arm wrestle a bit about the top virtues. In The Power of Character Strengths, another leading virtue researcher and educator Ryan Niemiec tells us that the Top 5 include Zest + Hope + Gratitude + Curiosity + Love—with Zest and Hope occupying the Top 2 slots. Robert tells us that Gratitude is even more powerful than Hope.

And, I love the way he puts it here: “All in all, science confirms that the life-giving practice of gratitude broadens our lives by enabling healing of the past, providing contentment in the present, and delivering hope for the future.“

So… Here’s to getting ALL our virtues on, especially the Big 3 of Zest + Gratitude + Hope.

The theoretical research on WHY we would be wise to cultivate our gratitude is beyond compelling. Now it’s time for HOW. It’s time to PRACTICE.

This book features a bunch of specific, scientifically rigorous practices—including a “21-Day Program for Creating Emotional Prosperity.”

Before we jump into a few of my favorite practices and get to work on our gratitude gardens, I’d like to step back for a moment and reflect on the gardening metaphor for a moment longer.

Whenever I think of virtue-gardens, I think of Pema Chödrön’s reminder not to pour concrete all over it. In The Places That Scare You she tells us: “This is the path we take in cultivating joy: … learning to appreciate what we have. Most of the time we don’t do this. Rather than appreciate where we are, we continually struggle to nurture our dissatisfaction. It’s like trying to get flowers to grow by pouring cement on the garden.“

I’m reminded of Tal Ben-Shahar’s wisdom on gratitude and appreciation. In The Pursuit of Perfect he tells us: “The word appreciate has two meanings. The first meaning is ‘to be thankful,’ the opposite of taking something for granted. The second meaning is ‘to increase in value’ (as money appreciates in the bank). Combined, these two meanings point to a truth that has been proved repeatedly in research on gratitude: when we appreciate the good in our lives, the good grows and we have more of it. The opposite, sadly, is also true: when we fail to appreciate the good—when we take the good in our lives for granted—the good depreciates.“

So… Want a gratitude garden? Let’s focus on what’s awesome and quit pouring concrete all over our potential flowers by complaining and taking people and things and life for granted. TODAY.

P.S. Right before that passage, Robert tells us: “There is frequently a divide between what we know we ought to do and how we actually wind up behaving. Psychologists call this the knowledge to performance gap. Similarly, there is a gulf between knowing that we ought to feel grateful and how we usually do feel. The depressing reality is that people often fail to live up to what they know they should do or even want to do.“

Then he proceeds to quote the Apostle Paul who said (via Romans 7:15-19): “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.“

Good news and bad news.

Bad news: Closing the “knowledge to performance gap” is a challenge.

Good news: a) We’re not alone in our struggle so let’s quit beating ourselves up (common humanity/there are no perfect human beings for the win!) and b) We CAN systematically architect more coherence between our ideals and our behaviors—more and more consistently closing the gap as we use our willpower wisely to install those habits that run on autopilot.

How? PRACTICE, of course. Let’s get to it!

Welcome to practice #1: “Journaling for Gratitude.”

Robert and his colleague Mike McCullough were the first researchers to show the astounding benefits of keeping a gratitude journal. Their first study showed a 25% boost in happiness by journaling about 5 things for which you were grateful once a week for 10 consecutive weeks.

Robert gives us ten tips to rock our journaling. Here are a few key things to keep in mind.

First, writing (vs. just thinking about it) is important: “The act of writing down your blessings translates your thoughts into words, and writing has been shown to have advantages over just thinking the thoughts. Writing helps to organize thoughts, facilitate integration, and helps you accept your own experiences and put them in context.“

Robert encourages us to take five to ten minutes to write at least every other day. He encourages us to do it daily WHILE avoiding what researchers call “gratitude fatigue” by keeping our reflections fresh. He tells us “Seek gratitude density. Be specific. Go for depth over breadth. Give details for each entry. The journal is more than just a list of stuff.“

Another way to keep things fresh is to “include some surprises. What unexpected blessings did you benefit from today? What were you dreading that did not happen?“

He also tells us (many times throughout the book!) to “Use the language of gifts. Think of the benefits you received today as gifts. Relish and savor the gifts you have been given.“

And, finally, here’s one of my favorite distinctions: “Think about and then write down those aspects of your life that you are prone to take for granted. Instead, take them as granted.“

I love that. Ungrateful people tend to take things (and people!) for granted. For example, we take for granted all of the astonishing modern benefits that make our lives possible: like a warm house, a car, a smartphone, the Internet and all the other magical marvels of modern life.

Robert tells us we’d be wise to move from taking people and things FOR GRANTED to seeing them AS GRANTED.

Let’s think about that for a moment longer.

We can take the amazing people and goodness in our lives FOR GRANTED or AS GRANTED. It’s ALL one big GIFT. Making that shift is at the heart of gratitude. In fact, it’s so important that we’re going to spend another moment on it as we talk about…

That’s from a chapter called “The Biggest Obstacle to Gratitude—and Its Remedy.”

To recap: The biggest obstacle to gratitude is a sense of ENTITLEMENT—the belief that the world owes you something. And, because you are entitled to all the awesome things in your life and “deserve” it all, there’s no reason for you to feel grateful.

The remedy to entitlement? HUMILITY.

As Robert beautifully tells us: “The more I contemplate the requirements for cultivating gratitude, the more I am convinced of the necessity of humility. In gratitude and humility we turn to realities outside of ourselves. We become aware of our limitations and our need to rely on others. In gratitude and humility, we acknowledge the myth of self-sufficiency. We look upward and outward to the sources that sustain us. Becoming aware of realities greater than ourselves shields us from the illusion of being self-made, being here on this planet by right—expecting everything and owing nothing. The humble person says that life is a gift to be grateful for, not a right to be claimed. Humility ushers in a grateful response.“

One more time: We can take the amazing people and goodness in our lives FOR GRANTED or AS GRANTED. It’s ALL one big GIFT. Making that shift is at the heart of gratitude.

On that note, let’s do a gratitude journaling exercise together.

What are three gifts you’re grateful for in your life? (Write a sentence describing each in detail.)

1. _____________________________
2. _____________________________
3. _____________________________

P.S. Right after I typed that two of my precious gifts knocked on the door—giving me an extra-sweet opportunity to cherish their presence in my life as we cuddled and wrestled and did some “acro-yoga” (aka them flying on my upraised feet) as I laughed with grateful joy.

That’s from a chapter called “Gratitude, Suffering, and Redemption” in which we learn about the often catalytic power of challenging times.

Of course, we’ve talked about the Stoic idea of “Memento Mori” many times. So, when I saw this passage on the research pointing to the power of reflecting on our mortality I had to yank it out.

This “contrasting” of our own mortality with our current aliveness is a powerful way to boost gratitude (and not take things for granted!!). It’s an example of what Robert calls the “Bad to good” reflection—which is basically an exercise in OMMS in which you think about some of the challenging times in your life but focus on the ways those challenges made you stronger.

(This “Bad to good” exercise is the 7th core exercise in the 21-Day Gratitude Challenge. Each of the seven exercises is repeated three times over the 21 days. Others include a version of the “What went well and why?” exercise we talk about in Flourish and the gratitude letter exercise.)

With the right re-framing, we can be THANKFUL for EVERYTHING—including the hardest times of our lives—while appreciating our current reality even more and, if we’re currently going through a dark patch, remembering that we’ve got what it takes to endure and get stronger and that someday we’ll be grateful for our current challenges. (Which begs the question: Why wait?!)

If you feel so inspired, let’s take a moment to bring to mind a challenging time from our past. How has this event made you a better person? And… “How can you be thankful for the beneficial consequences that have resulted from this event?” ← Grateful OMMS and Let’s do this!