Byron Katie

Lack of understanding is always painful.

It is easy to be swept away by some overwhelming feeling, so it’s helpful to remember that any stressful feeling is like a compassionate alarm clock that says, “You’re caught in the dream.”

It’s not easy to find your own way when you believe that you need love, approval, appreciation, or anything from your family. It’s particularly hard when you want them to see things your way.

'The Work is: Judge your neighbor, write it down, ask four questions, turn it around. That’s it. Simple stuff.' 'The Inquiry: 1. Is it true? 2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true? 3. How do I react when I think that thought? 4. Who would I be without the thought? And then ... Turn it around.'

Nothing terrible has ever happened except in our thinking. Reality is always good, even in situations that seem like nightmares. The story we tell is the only nightmare that we have lived.

You move totally away from reality when you believe that there is a legitimate reason to suffer.

Without an uninvestigated story, there’s only the perfection of life appearing as itself. You can always go inside and find the beauty that’s revealed after the pain and fear are understood.

When you run in fear, it’s square into the wall.

If I had a prayer, it would be this: “God, spare me from the desire for love, approval, or appreciation. Amen.”

You are the effect of your story, that’s all.

The Work is the end of the world as we understand it to be, sweetheart. And it’s the opening to reality, as it really is, in all its beauty.

I’m a lover of reality, not because I’m a spiritual woman, but because it hurts when I argue with what is. And I notice that I lose, 100 percent of the time.

Do you want to be right more than you want to know the truth? It’s the truth that set me free. Acceptance, peace, and less attachment to a world of suffering are all effects of doing The Work. They’re not the goals. Do The Work for the love of freedom, for the love of truth.

Who would you be if you didn’t believe this lie?

Just keep coming home to yourself. You are the one you’ve been waiting for.

That’s the purpose of stress. It’s a friend. It’s an alarm clock, built in to let you know that it’s time to do The Work.

Do you know anyone who hasn’t changed his mind? This door was a tree, then it will be firewood for someone, then it will return to air and earth. We’re all like that, constantly changing. It’s simply honest to report that you’ve changed your mind when you have. When you’re afraid of what people will think if you speak honestly, that’s where you become confused.

Some of us are returning to sanity, because we’re tired of the pain. We’re in a hurry. No time to mess around.

Reality doesn’t ever wait for our agreement or approval. It is what it is. You can count on that.

The pain shows you what’s left to investigate.

I like to say that no one can hurt me—that’s my job. This is good news.

Clarity moves much more efficiently than violence or stress.

Reality doesn’t wait for your opinion, vote, or permission, sweetheart. It just keeps being what it is and doing what it does.

That’s where the fear comes from—from your uninvestigated thoughts.

When you do The Work, you see who you are by seeing who you think other people are. Eventually you come to see that everything outside you is a reflection of your own thinking. You are the storyteller, the projector of all stories, and the world is the projected image of your thoughts.

When you’re operating on uninvestigated theories of what’s going on and you aren’t even aware of it, you’re in what I call “the dream.” Often the dream becomes troubling; sometimes it even turns into a nightmare. At times like these, you may want to test the truth of your theories by doing The Work on them. The Work always leaves you with less of your uncomfortable story. Who would you be without it? How much of your world is made up of unexamined stories? You’ll never know until you inquire.

There is no thought or situation that you can’t put up against inquiry. Every thought, every person, every apparent problem is here for the sake of your freedom.

I came to see that there was nothing to forgive, that I was the one who caused my own problems.

No one has ever been able to control his thinking, although people may tell the story of how they have. I don’t let go of my thoughts—I meet them with understanding. Then they let go of me.

When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, fluid, kind, and fearless.

God, as I use the word, is another name for what is. I always know God’s intention: It’s exactly what is in every moment.

A teacher of fear can’t bring peace on earth. We have been trying to do it that way for thousands of years. The person who turns inner violence around, the person who finds peace inside and lives it, is the one who teaches what true peace is. We are waiting for just one teacher. You’re the one.

I have never experienced a stressful feeling that wasn’t caused by attaching to an untrue thought. Behind every uncomfortable feeling, there’s a thought that isn’t true for us.

Without our stories, we are not only able to act clearly and fearlessly, we are also a friend, a listener. We are people living happy lives. We are appreciation and gratitude that have become as natural as breath itself. Happiness is the natural state for someone who knows that there’s nothing to know and that we already have everything we need, right here now.

When you realize that every stressful moment you experience is a gift that points you to your own freedom, life becomes very kind.

There is only one problem, ever: your uninvestigated story in the moment.

It’s important to realize that inquiry is about noticing, not about dropping the thought… Inquiry is not about getting rid of thoughts; it’s about realizing what’s true for you, through awareness and unconditional self-love. Once you see the truth, the thought lets go of you, not the other way around.

Until you can see everything in the world as your friend, your work is not done.

I’ll tell you that for me, one when someone used to say something that was true, one way I knew it was true was that I immediately felt defensive. I blocked it off, and I went to war with them in my mind and suffered all that goes with it. And they were only saying what was true.

When you think that someone or something other than yourself needs to change, you’re mentally out of your business.

We’ve been looking outside us for our own peace. We’ve been looking in the wrong direction.

It makes sense that no one else can cause you pain. That’s your job.

There is no thought or situation that you can’t put up against inquiry. Every thought, every person, every apparent problem is here for the sake of your freedom.

Thought the mind can justify itself faster than the speed of light, it can be stopped through the act of writing.

There is no mistake in nature.

No one can hurt me—that’s my job.

It’s good that it hurts. Pain is the signal that you’re confused, that you’re in a lie.

Self-realization is not complete until it lives in action.

You know what I love, sweetheart? The thoughts that used to send us into deep depression—these same thoughts, once understood, send us into laughter.

One day I noticed that I wasn’t breathing—I was being breathed.

Nothing outside you can ever give you what you’re looking for.

We’ve been looking outside us for our own peace. We’ve been looking in the wrong direction.

If you put your hand into a fire, does anyone have to tell you to move it? Do you have to decide? No: When your hand starts to burn, it moves. You don’t have to direct it; the hand moves itself. In the same way, once you understand, through inquiry, that an untrue thought causes suffering, you move away from it.

I have discovered that in every language and every country I have visited, there are no new stories. They’re all recycled. The same stressful thoughts arise in each mind one way or another, sooner or later.

Just keep coming home to yourself. You are the one you’ve been waiting for.

The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. When the mind is perfectly clear, what is is what we want.

The whole world is simply my story, projected back to me on the screen of my own perception. All of it.

I use the word inquiry as synonymous with The Work…Inquiry is a way to end confusion and to experience internal peace, even in a world of apparent chaos. Above all else, inquiry is about realizing that all the answers we ever need are always available inside us.

When a thought appears such as “Do the dishes” and you don’t do them, notice how an internal war breaks out… The stress and weariness you feel are really mental combat fatigue.

We don’t attach to people or to things; we attach to uninvestigated concepts that we believe to be true in the moment.

What I call “doing the dishes” is the practice of loving the task in front of you. Your inner voice guides you all day long to do simple things such as brush your teeth, drive to work, call your friend, or do the dishes. Even though it’s just another story, it’s a very short story, and when you follow the direction of the voice, the story ends. We are really alive when we live as simply as that—open, waiting, trusting, and loving to do what appears in front of us now…What we need to do unfolds before us, always—doing the dishes, paying the bills, picking up the children’s socks, brushing our teeth. We never receive more than we can handle, and there is always just one thing to do. Whether you have ten dollars or ten million dollars, life never gets more difficult than that.

Would you rather be right or free?

Every story is a variation on a single theme: This shouldn’t be happening. I shouldn’t be having this experience. God is unjust. Life isn’t fair.

Your nature is truth, and when you oppose it, you don’t feel like yourself. Stress never feels as natural as peace does.

Who would you be without the thought “I need more money to be safe?” You might be a lot easier to be with. You might even begin to notice the laws of generosity, the laws of letting money go out fearlessly and come back fearlessly. You don’t ever need more money than you have.

A thought is harmless unless we believe it. It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. Attaching to a thought means believing that it’s true, without inquiring. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.

The Work is merely four questions; it’s not even a thing. It has no motive, no strings. It’s nothing without your answers. These four questions will join any program you’ve got ad enhance it. Any religion you have—they’ll enhance it. If you have no religion, they will bring you joy. And they’ll burn up anything that isn’t true for you. They’ll burn through to the reality that has always been waiting.

Rather than understand the original cause—a thought—we try to change the stressful feelings by looking outside ourselves.

Self-realization is not complete until it lives in action.

The pain shows you what’s left to investigate.

Everything happens for me, not to me.

If our thinking is clear, how could work or money be the problem? Our thinking is all we need to change.

The Work reveals that what you think shouldn’t have happened should have happened. It should happened because it did, and no thinking in the world can change it. This doesn’t mean that you condone it or approve of it. It just means that you can see things without resistance and without the confusion of your inner struggle. No one wants their children to get sick, no one wants to be in a car accident; but when these things happen, how can it be helpful to mentally argue with them? We know better than to do that, yet we do it, because we don’t know how to stop.

In reality, there is no such thing as a “should” or a “shouldn’t.” These are only thoughts that we impose onto reality. The mind is like a carpenter’s level. When the bubble is off to one side—“It shouldn’t be raining”—we can know that the mind is caught in its thinking. When the bubble is right in the middle—“It’s raining”—we can know that the surface level and the mind is accepting reality as it is. Without the “should” and “shouldn’t,” we can see reality as it is, and this leaves us free to act efficiently, clearly, and sanely. Asking “What’s the reality of it?” can help bring the mind out of its story, back into the real world.

I came to see that the world is always as it should be, whether I opposed it or not. And I came to embrace reality with all my heart. I love the world, without any conditions.

You might believe that it’s only for their own good, but how does it feel when you try to manipulate the people you love? Are you teaching them that your love is conditional? Maybe through inquiry we can find another way.

Once the mind is met with understanding, it can always find its way home.

The greatest stock market you can invest in is yourself. Finding this truth is better than finding a gold mine.

After you’ve been doing inquiry for a while, if you have the thought “She doesn’t love me,” you just get the immediate turnaround with a smile: “Oh, I’m not loving myself in this moment.”

To think that I know what’s best for anyone else is to be out of my business. Even in the name of love, it is pure arrogance, and the result is tension, anxiety, and fear. Do I know what’s right for me? That is my only business. Let me work with that before I try to solve problems for you.

As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise.

Spare yourself from seeking love, approval, or appreciation—from anyone. And watch what happens in reality, just for fun.

We’re all looking for love, in our confusion, until we find our way back to the realization that love is what we already are.

You’re never given more pain than you can handle. You never, ever get more than you can take.

Since the beginning of time, people have been trying to change the world so that they can be happy. This hasn’t ever worked, because it approaches the problem backward. What The Work gives us is a way to change the projector—mind—rather than the projected. It’s like when there’s a piece of lint on a projector’s lens. We think there’s a flaw on the screen, and we try to change this person and that person, whomever the flaw appears on next. But it’s futile to try to change the projected images. Once we realize where the lint is, we can clear the lens itself. This is the end of suffering, and the beginning of a little joy in paradise.

The nightmare always becomes laughter, once it’s understood.

It’s only our story that keeps us from knowing that we always have everything we need.

I love not rushing the process. Mind doesn’t shift until it does, and when it does shift, it’s right on time, not one second too late or too soon. People are like seeds waiting to sprout. We can’t be pushed ahead of our own understanding.

If you want reality to be different than what it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark.

The world is as you perceive it to be. For me, clarity is a word for beauty. It’s what I am. And when I’m clear, I see only beauty. Nothing else is possible.

The Work is: Judge your neighbor, write it down, ask four questions, turn it around. That’s it. Simple stuff.

I find that so often self-realization leaves us only with laughter.

I don’t let go of my concepts. I meet them with understanding. Then they let go of me.

When I argue with reality, I lose—but only 100 percent of the time.

Every story is a variation on a single theme: This shouldn’t be happening. I shouldn’t be having this experience. God is unjust. Life isn’t fair.

I am entirely motivated without anger. The truth sets us free, and freedom acts.

If I think that someone else is causing my problem, I’m insane.

My experience is that the teachers we need most are the people we’re living with right now.

I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours and God’s. Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our business. When I think, “You need to get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take better care of yourself,” I am in your business. When I’m worried about earthquakes, floods, war, or when I will die, I am in God’s business. If I am mentally in your business or in God’s business, the effect is separation.

I realized that it’s insane to oppose it. When I argue with reality, I lose—but only 100% of the time. How do I know that the wind should blow? It’s blowing!